It's been a while and I've got a dozen things to accomplish today so I'll try to make the catching up brief. First, the fun stuff: we went away to a waterpark last weekend and everyone had a blast. It was nice to get away and not worry about day-to-day stuff. Plus, we got to spend time as a family without video games or TV getting in our way like it usually does. We'll definitely go back.
Now, the not-so-fun stuff. Boo was switched from straight up Ritalin twice a day to Concerta, which is a time-release stimulant. The nice thing about it is she'll only have to take it once a day, but I worry about side effects. I hope she continues to tolerate it well as I do think it helps her slow down from light speed. Boo can talk about a subject incessantly for hours and the words come rapid fire without any chance of conversation. It's just one, long, fast monologue. With the meds, she gives you a chance to speak. I'll be watching her closely today as it's her first day on the Concerta.
I've noticed some other troubling things lately, though, and I'm not sure I can blame it on the meds. Boo's behavior toward her sister can be rather extreme and violent at times. Two days ago, Boo and Bean were playing downstairs when Bean starting screaming. I ran to the stairs to see what was happening and saw that Boo had tied Bean's hands behind her back with a jump rope and was trying to pull her back down the stairs. I quickly intervened and untied Bean, who was sobbing by this point, and demanded to know why Boo would do such a thing. Boo said she didn't want to tell me, that she'd get in trouble, but I persisted. Boo finally said that Bean kept touching something they were playing with for their game and wouldn't stop, so Boo tied her hands so she couldn't. I of course said that this would never happen again and if it did, Boo would lose every privilege she has for a month. This incident really affected me, not just because Boo would treat her sister in such a way, but because it's the way I was often treated by one of my older brothers. I took his place as the youngest child and he punished me for it my entire childhood. I swore when I had my own children they wouldn't treat each other the way he had treated me, but Boo has become increasingly hostile toward her sister as of late. Just this morning Boo shoved Bean away and bit her arm when Bean was just trying to give Boo a hug. I feel guilty and responsible somehow even though the rational part of me knows I'm not. It makes me glad I followed my instinct to take Boo to a behavioral therapist. We attend our first session on Monday and I am really hoping that between this and the meds, Boo will become the best kid she can without ADHD and anxiety in the way. I fear I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, but I need something to strive for. Boo starts 4th grade next week and I'm worried she'll behave in school the way she's behaved at home. Boo already has few friends and I'm terrified she'll chase the rest she has away.
I feel like I'm painting her as a monster. She's not. Right now, she is planning a big surprise for me upstairs. I know what it is (an impromptu pedicure) but am letting her think I am in the dark. She's so excited and has involved her sister in the surprise, too, which is wonderful. She can be such a fun, loving kid, and it hurts me that so many other kids can't see it, or don't see it because of how Boo presents herself. I hope she has a great year in 4th grade. 4th grade was very difficult for me, I remember. I had a lackluster teacher and the dynamics between me and my friends were changing, so I was starting to be left out more often than not. I don't want to project that onto my own children, so I've tried to be extra positive about the upcoming school year. I hope I can will it to be that way.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Waiting
We had a busy weekend so I haven't been able to post until now. We attended a birthday party on Saturday and took the girls hiking on Sunday. Saturday could have been better. It was a rock-climbing party at one of those indoor fitness places and Boo was under the delusion that she would be able to climb with ease even though she'd never done it before and all the other kids had. She places very high expectations on herself when it comes to activities and if she's not wildly successful the first time she tries something, it's either not worth doing or she is "stupid" (her words, definitely not mine). Combine that with a fear of heights and, well, you can see where this is going. The rock-climbing part of the party did not go well, but since it was my nieces' party we were invited back to their house for dinner and that part was better. My mom and I had to constantly remind Boo that she was too loud or too disruptive during the gift-unwrapping but other than that it was fine.
As for the hike on Sunday, that went much better than expected. Bean was the worry, since she's not quite 4 years old and the state park we visited has close to 20 canyons to explore. There are a ton of stairs, and the inner trails have a lot of tree roots to dodge. I took my back carrier since the weight limit on it is 45 lbs and Bean is currently only 30 lbs and I used it maybe half the time we were there. I got some weird stares a few times, but because Bean was able to take a breather on my back a few times we were able to hike for about 3 hours. Boo likes the outdoors and had a great time scrambling over rocks in one of the prettier canyons. The day was way more successful than I thought it would be. Win!
Boo is now on two doses a day and I am finally seeing a difference in her. Yesterday was great with the girls playing well together and home responsibilities actually getting done. Each girl recently got a chore chart I found for super cheap. I've tried them before but they never really worked well, probably because I had to print one off every week and half the time I forgot to do it. These new ones are dry erase and will work really well for the time being. I was skeptical but Boo is currently in love with the idea of roller blades. We set a goal for her to reach and for each responsibility she fulfills each day, she gets a point. Once she reaches her point goal, we'll take her to get roller blades. It's worked pretty well so far, to my surprise. I really thought it wouldn't work for her at all.
In another few weeks Boo will switch to one long-acting dose so she'll only have to take a pill before school. Speaking of school, I called the social worker there and had to leave a message, which said she'd be there "intermittently" over the summer. I didn't appreciate that very much, having to leave a message and not knowing when I'd get a call back. But, I didn't have a choice. I just hope she calls soon. I'm hoping to suggest a classroom that will be very routine and organized. Last year's teacher, although a nice enough person, wasn't the most consistent when it came to classroom routine and Boo's grades suffered for it. I can't flat out request a teacher: district rules forbid it. But, I can suggest what sort of classroom will benefit Boo and they (hopefully) will try to accommodate. I don't think I need a lot of help for Boo. I just need a teacher who will help her stay organized and focused. I think that would go a long way to helping her get back on top of her grades and her work. If the social worker doesn't call me back soon, though, teacher assignments will be completed and we'll be stuck with whoever we get. It's frustrating.
I also have to find a therapist because I really do think it will help with Boo's self esteem issues. I feel so guilty because I have terrible self esteem and have purposely been one of those cheerleader moms with my own kids to make sure they know they are good. No amount of cheering on my part has helped Boo, though, so I feel like outside help is necessary. I got a lead on a good therapy practice but need to contact the mom again for the info. I need to pick up groceries and take the girls shoe shopping for school. Plus, we're taking them on a surprise weekend to a water park in a few days and I need to secretly pack for that. I hope when school starts we fall into a routine really quickly so I can get on top of everything.
As for the hike on Sunday, that went much better than expected. Bean was the worry, since she's not quite 4 years old and the state park we visited has close to 20 canyons to explore. There are a ton of stairs, and the inner trails have a lot of tree roots to dodge. I took my back carrier since the weight limit on it is 45 lbs and Bean is currently only 30 lbs and I used it maybe half the time we were there. I got some weird stares a few times, but because Bean was able to take a breather on my back a few times we were able to hike for about 3 hours. Boo likes the outdoors and had a great time scrambling over rocks in one of the prettier canyons. The day was way more successful than I thought it would be. Win!
Boo is now on two doses a day and I am finally seeing a difference in her. Yesterday was great with the girls playing well together and home responsibilities actually getting done. Each girl recently got a chore chart I found for super cheap. I've tried them before but they never really worked well, probably because I had to print one off every week and half the time I forgot to do it. These new ones are dry erase and will work really well for the time being. I was skeptical but Boo is currently in love with the idea of roller blades. We set a goal for her to reach and for each responsibility she fulfills each day, she gets a point. Once she reaches her point goal, we'll take her to get roller blades. It's worked pretty well so far, to my surprise. I really thought it wouldn't work for her at all.
In another few weeks Boo will switch to one long-acting dose so she'll only have to take a pill before school. Speaking of school, I called the social worker there and had to leave a message, which said she'd be there "intermittently" over the summer. I didn't appreciate that very much, having to leave a message and not knowing when I'd get a call back. But, I didn't have a choice. I just hope she calls soon. I'm hoping to suggest a classroom that will be very routine and organized. Last year's teacher, although a nice enough person, wasn't the most consistent when it came to classroom routine and Boo's grades suffered for it. I can't flat out request a teacher: district rules forbid it. But, I can suggest what sort of classroom will benefit Boo and they (hopefully) will try to accommodate. I don't think I need a lot of help for Boo. I just need a teacher who will help her stay organized and focused. I think that would go a long way to helping her get back on top of her grades and her work. If the social worker doesn't call me back soon, though, teacher assignments will be completed and we'll be stuck with whoever we get. It's frustrating.
I also have to find a therapist because I really do think it will help with Boo's self esteem issues. I feel so guilty because I have terrible self esteem and have purposely been one of those cheerleader moms with my own kids to make sure they know they are good. No amount of cheering on my part has helped Boo, though, so I feel like outside help is necessary. I got a lead on a good therapy practice but need to contact the mom again for the info. I need to pick up groceries and take the girls shoe shopping for school. Plus, we're taking them on a surprise weekend to a water park in a few days and I need to secretly pack for that. I hope when school starts we fall into a routine really quickly so I can get on top of everything.
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