It's been a while and I've got a dozen things to accomplish today so I'll try to make the catching up brief. First, the fun stuff: we went away to a waterpark last weekend and everyone had a blast. It was nice to get away and not worry about day-to-day stuff. Plus, we got to spend time as a family without video games or TV getting in our way like it usually does. We'll definitely go back.
Now, the not-so-fun stuff. Boo was switched from straight up Ritalin twice a day to Concerta, which is a time-release stimulant. The nice thing about it is she'll only have to take it once a day, but I worry about side effects. I hope she continues to tolerate it well as I do think it helps her slow down from light speed. Boo can talk about a subject incessantly for hours and the words come rapid fire without any chance of conversation. It's just one, long, fast monologue. With the meds, she gives you a chance to speak. I'll be watching her closely today as it's her first day on the Concerta.
I've noticed some other troubling things lately, though, and I'm not sure I can blame it on the meds. Boo's behavior toward her sister can be rather extreme and violent at times. Two days ago, Boo and Bean were playing downstairs when Bean starting screaming. I ran to the stairs to see what was happening and saw that Boo had tied Bean's hands behind her back with a jump rope and was trying to pull her back down the stairs. I quickly intervened and untied Bean, who was sobbing by this point, and demanded to know why Boo would do such a thing. Boo said she didn't want to tell me, that she'd get in trouble, but I persisted. Boo finally said that Bean kept touching something they were playing with for their game and wouldn't stop, so Boo tied her hands so she couldn't. I of course said that this would never happen again and if it did, Boo would lose every privilege she has for a month. This incident really affected me, not just because Boo would treat her sister in such a way, but because it's the way I was often treated by one of my older brothers. I took his place as the youngest child and he punished me for it my entire childhood. I swore when I had my own children they wouldn't treat each other the way he had treated me, but Boo has become increasingly hostile toward her sister as of late. Just this morning Boo shoved Bean away and bit her arm when Bean was just trying to give Boo a hug. I feel guilty and responsible somehow even though the rational part of me knows I'm not. It makes me glad I followed my instinct to take Boo to a behavioral therapist. We attend our first session on Monday and I am really hoping that between this and the meds, Boo will become the best kid she can without ADHD and anxiety in the way. I fear I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, but I need something to strive for. Boo starts 4th grade next week and I'm worried she'll behave in school the way she's behaved at home. Boo already has few friends and I'm terrified she'll chase the rest she has away.
I feel like I'm painting her as a monster. She's not. Right now, she is planning a big surprise for me upstairs. I know what it is (an impromptu pedicure) but am letting her think I am in the dark. She's so excited and has involved her sister in the surprise, too, which is wonderful. She can be such a fun, loving kid, and it hurts me that so many other kids can't see it, or don't see it because of how Boo presents herself. I hope she has a great year in 4th grade. 4th grade was very difficult for me, I remember. I had a lackluster teacher and the dynamics between me and my friends were changing, so I was starting to be left out more often than not. I don't want to project that onto my own children, so I've tried to be extra positive about the upcoming school year. I hope I can will it to be that way.
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